It was with trepidation that I went with Lucy to watch Frozen on Saturday night. No, not because I was with Lucy--she's done a really good job of giving me space and not making me feel pressured to be anything more than friends since our DTR last Tuesday. Rather, the movie has gotten so much buzz about its supposed pro-mutant agenda that I felt like buying a ticket was equivalent to making a political statement. But Lucy really wanted me to see it with her (she'd already seen it twice since getting out of the hospital), so I went.
Now that I've seen it, I really don't know what to think. I mean, yes, the mutant parallels are obvious--Elsa has a power she's supposed to keep secret until (spoiler) she doesn't. In a heated moment she lets it go and comes to love and accept herself, mutant-like power and all. Note that the movie never uses the word "mutant"--it's supposed to be some kind of magic thing, I guess?--but c'mon, in today's world powers and mutants are pretty much synonymous. So the message is clear: let it go, embrace your power, be your mutant self, and be happy.
As soon as the credits started rolling, Lucy grabbed my arm. "Didn't you love that? Wasn't the pro-mutant message so uplifting?"
I didn't really have an answer for her. A few weeks ago I might have been more enthusiastic. But since then I've gotten back into my everyday routine, going to school and church, and I have a hard time seeing my power to fly as some kind of gift from God. Isn't it possible that Jan's power to heal is meant to bless humanity but my power really is just a test to see how obedient I'll be to the prophet's counsel to rely only on priesthood power? Don't get me wrong, I get the appeal of "letting go"--a big part of me wants to just let loose and leave the ground behind forever. But I don't feel like I can do that without leaving behind my faith. I mean, it's one thing to debate about whether or not it's okay to drink caffeinated soda, but it's another thing entirely to go against years of established church doctrine to live a mutant lifestyle.
Call it brainwashing if you want. Call it blind obedience. But I can't just give up being Mormon, any more than I could just give up being a mutant. So for now I'll just stay where I am, frozen between the two worlds.