Wednesday, February 19, 2014


Last night at UUPP, Lucy hardly looked at me. (But to her credit, she came anyway; she's sincerely dedicated to the cause and not just for my sake.) After the meeting she tried to slip away, but I ran to catch up with her. "Hey," I said, "what's going on?"

"Nothing." She laughed bitterly. "Absolutely nothing is going on."

I couldn't help chuckling at the stab she'd taken at me. "Boy, I walked right into that one."

She smiled a little more sincerely and shook her head. "I'm sorry, that's not fair of me. It's not like you owe me anything. If you're not interested, you're not interested. I should be happy just to be your friend." She shrugged. "I guess I feel dumb more than anything. I thought I was getting other signals from you--signals that maybe you'd want to spend Valentine's with me."

I let out a big sigh, which turned to fog and rose up to join the clouds above us. "Then it's me who needs to apologize, Lucy. I probably have been sending mixed signals." I explained that I really do like her--she's pretty and smart and super passionate about the things she believes in (and the fact that one of the things she now believes in is mutant rights is a definite plus)--but I'm not really over Jan yet. We haven't even broken up yet, as far as I know. I told Lucy I don't want to use her as my rebound, and I don't want to date her if half my heart is still with Jan. Lucy told me that she'd always thought I was cute, but she completely fell for me in those months that I was visiting her in the hospital. If she's been over-anxious to jump into a relationship with me, it's because she feels like she's been blessed with this new lease on life and she doesn't know how long it will last, so she wants to make the most of every moment. (Which, incidentally, is another thing I find attractive about her.)

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So we walked around campus and talked for a while. It was freezing cold, but neither of us cared. It was awesome that we could be completely honest with each other about how we feel. Eventually we decided that for now we should just be friends. She agreed that it wouldn't be a good idea to start something when I still have feelings for Jan. "But don't take too long," she said with a coy smile. "I'm not going to just sit around waiting." We ended the night with a good long hug. A very nice hug.

Today I'm feeling like I actually want to get over Jan. Which is a start, right?

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