Alone

Argh. This morning at church Lucy asked me out. I can't afford to fly home for Thanksgiving and she's from Orem, so she suggested we "hang out" on Friday night. And I, stupidly, said yes. Why did I say yes? Because I'm a masochist, apparently. And apparently I don't care about the fact that in the long run leading her on will just hurt her.

If you're not Mormon, you might be wondering why I'm so stressed about this. No, I'm not gay. And I really like Lucy. She's pretty, smart, and spiritual. And I really dig the fact that she's bold enough to ask me out, even though she's the girl and I'm the guy. I like strong women. But the thing is, in the LDS Church we believe that God intends marriage for humans. Not mutants. And interspecies marriage is especially forbidden. Which is why I was so surprised to see that mutant married Mormon blogger I mentioned yesterday, and likely why he's such a big deal. I mean, I respect the agency he and his wife exercised in getting married despite his mutant powers, but for me, personally, I know that's not right. That's not what God wants.

You might be wondering now why the Church is opposed to mutant marriage. There are a lot of different theories I've read about from different Mormon scholars. Some say it's because it would be cruel of us to risk passing on the mutant gene to any children we might have. Others say it's that we were less righteous in the pre-existence, so we are destined to be angels in the eternities, not married gods and goddesses like our human brothers and sisters. Honestly, I don't know why. Like Nephi said, I do not know the meaning of all things, but I know God loves his children.

I know God loves me. I'm grateful that he has given me a chance to have a mortal existence, and that he trusts me with the power of his priesthood--despite my sins and imperfections. And I trust that the path he has laid out for me is the right one, wherever it leads me.

But still, it kind of sucks to be alone. And it sucks to have a really awesome girl who's kind of in to me, and to know eventually I'll have to break her heart.